


I'm with you, okay?

by dat_heichou



Series: Fic Drabbles [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Mild Angst, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 10:03:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4175691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dat_heichou/pseuds/dat_heichou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean's been slipping away during training camp and Marco usually lets him have his alone time.  But when Jean starts looking haggard, he decides to make sure he's okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm with you, okay?

**Author's Note:**

> Fic drabble written for prompt 14: “Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.” from
> 
> http://dat-heichou.tumblr.com/post/121384992891/send-me-a-pairing-and-a-number-and-ill-write-you
> 
> (linked through my blog if you're interested. i couldn't find it on the original poster's blog.)

Marco was the only person who knew about Jean’s panic attacks.  

 During training and mealtime, Jean would constantly run his mouth, challenging Jaeger and spluttering half-formed compliments toward Mikasa.  He’d tease Connie and Sasha and boast about his own accomplishments.  But there were some nights that he’d sneak out of the mess hall early and go off on his own.  

Marco had originally decided to give Jean his space and to simply let him go, but after the first night when the boys’ bunk had filled up for lights out and Jean still wasn’t back he’d been concerned.  Seeing the dark circles under his eyes the next day at sparring, he became seriously worried.

So the next time Jean ditched early, Marco followed him.  He didn’t try to sneak or make it a secret; Marco figured that would be a violation of the trust in their friendship.  No, he simply called out to him once they left the mess hall and asked where he was going.

Jean didn’t use words and simply shook his head before he kept walking.

Marco’s longer legs let him catch up within a couple of strides and he gently placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder, willing him to look at him.  The smaller boy refused to turn his head and only whispered, “I can’t talk about it here.  We have to move a little farther.”

Silently they walked together toward the back of the storage building and sat down, leaning their backs against the splintery wood walls.  Marco glanced over expectantly and Jean seemed to try his hardest to avoid eye contact, instead inspecting a very interesting loose thread on the knee of his pants.

“Jean, why are we out here?” Marco sighed quietly, his gentle attempt to get Jean to talk.

“I don’t know. Why are you here?”  His words were short and clipped, as they usually were when he was picking a fight with Eren.  But this time, there was a waver in his voice, something that reached out and pulled at Marco’s heartstrings.

“Jean,” Marco frowned, his voice becoming a sterner as his concern grew.  “Please tell me.”

Jean still refused to look towards his best friend, instead curling his legs up into his chest and tucking his face into his knees.

“I’m not enough, Marco. I can’t do this–” His breath hitched and his chest heaved, as though the air wasn’t reaching his lungs properly.

“What do you mean, Jean?” He ran a hand along his friend’s back, trying to provide some sort of comfort.

The younger teen started gasping now, trying to force out words between inhales. “I—need to get in—top 7—M.P.  I need to! But–”  Tears welled in his eyes and cut him off and he curled up tighter into his legs.

“Shh, its okay.” Marco curled up closer around his friend’s body, trying to find a way to support him that wouldn’t make him feel smothered.  He ended up pulling Jean’s back to his own chest, cradling him in his arms as he whispered into his ear.  “Just breathe.  You are fine. You are enough.  You can do this.  You can do anything.”

After what felt like a long time, Marco’s continuous stream of comforting words managed to lull Jean into a calmer state, as his tears stopped and his inhales were slower. 

“I’m… sorry for this.” Jean whispered, his voice hoarse from his tears and the strain his throat had been under.

“Shhh its okay.  Don’t apologize.”

Marco let Jean lean back further into his chest, supporting him as he continued to try to simply breathe normally again.

“Don’t feel like you have to deal with this all by yourself, okay?  You have us.  You have me.”

Jean weakly nodded and closed his eyes as he continued to breathe, slowly gaining his normal internal cadence back.

As his best friend seemed to be quieting down, Marco leaned forward and whispered, “Hey, I’m with you okay? Always.”

Jean never outwardly acknowledged those words, but every time he felt the need to slip away, he always let Marco join him.  Sometimes Marco would have to talk him down from hyperventilating while other times they simply sat together and talked about their mutual anxieties about the future. After awhile, he had less attacks. Yet their alone time didn’t slacken and their conversations drew longer and deeper.

When they finally heard their class ranking, Jean couldn’t help but boast about it over the mess hall tables.  He felt a happy hum in his heart knowing that he and Marco had made it through,  _together._


End file.
